femilicious.com

I tend to blame myself. Maybe it’s that guilty recovering Catholic conscience. Whenever something bad happens (not far away, just close to me) I find myself scrutinizing my actions and role in the event and wondering where I made a mistake and what I should have done differently. Note — not wondering *if* I made a mistake, but *when* I did.

I’m about to graduate. Convocation will be a celebration of sorts (hence the fête). I barely remember my high school graduation which I had not intended to attend.
At the last minute I was asked to do one of the opening addresses so I ended up going. I delivered a speech in French about cows or something ridiculous and I wore my low-top sneakers with candy cane socks. For various reasons my family did not attend but they are planning to come to this. I haven’t completely figured out how to assemble my children from 2 different schools at different ends of the cities in the middle of the afternoon. I have just over a week still to sort that out. I anticipate the entire experience will be anticlimactic. The speeches will probably be long and will not relate to my life. The kids will likely get bored. I don’t particularly feel connected to the university since classes ended. I’ve been back a few times for conferences but it feels different somehow. I debate not going because it all seems too complicated today. The work is done, the grades earned… is the ceremony really important? Why did I want to go back in March when I applied to graduate?

Part of me feels like I didn’t do all the things I should have. I know I worked hard, but maybe it wasn’t hard enough. This last year I did take it a little bit easy compared to first year. I didn’t accomplish as much as I did in the beginning. I wonder what I could have done differently and if it would have made a difference. I worry about next year and what comes after that.

Since finishing classes a few weeks ago I’ve been trying to reconnect with the friends I had before I went back to school. I did my best to keep these relationships alive while life was crazy but we’ve all been through a lot in four years and you can’t just resume. We’re not the same people. It takes time to build intimacy and connection.

Even at school I felt disconnected: I hardly saw the people from my program during this last semester. I didn’t have any women’s studies classes at all and as much as I loved my programming class I didn’t make any friends there. I miss bumping into my colleagues from school around campus. Even going back there like I have for a few conferences and events since classes ended it seems changed. I know it isn’t the campus though, it’s me. Like I know my undergrad is over and I’m in a different role there now. My identity is in limbo. I’m not an undergrad but I don’t yet feel like a grad student.

Working at home is wonderful but isolating. I don’t miss the assignments and the deadlines. But I miss the contact with grownups. Poor Rob has felt the brunt of this more than once when I’ve spent the day by myself. I’m trying to get out each day just so that I talk to a grown up — it reminds me of my days with little babies except this time I see it happening and am better resourced to stop it from becoming a problem.

I wonder if other people are celebrating or if they are worrying like I am. I think my readiness to celebrate came and went when I handed in my last exam (and I did have a fabulous dinner with really good *Ontario* wine). Maybe I should allow this to pass quietly while I get on to the next thing.

Rob and I have been working on the house. When we’re finished what we have planned I’ll be loading up, distributing the duplicate stuff, and relocating 10 minutes up the street. A blended family! I’m pretty excited. It’s a lot of work but it’s all fun.

Today when I went to a friend’s house to reformat her old computer she offered me/us a tree: it’s a Kentucky Coffeetree. Windsor-Essex County is the northernmost limit of its range. It’s a native species but they are rare. There’s a male and female of the species and if they aren’t planted close enough together they don’t make any babies.

My friend knew we’d been talking about trees (what kind we like, where to put it, when to do it). I am especially eager for some shade so that the kids can get outside this summer. It’s a newish neighbourhood and although the city has been around planting a young tree on each lot there’s a need for many, many more trees in that part of the city. I grew up in the country surrounded by trees. My parents planted more trees every year and they have hundreds on the one acre property they own. I know that it takes time for a tree to establish itself and get some shade going so choosing to plant sooner rather than later is not trivial. But still, it’s Rob’s place and even if I feel okay planting some flowers or doing something small it’s a very big deal all this navigating sharing space. Digging a hole and sticking a tree in it should be a joint adventure. The gift of this tree just speeds us up on the inevitable.

The special thing about this tree is that it was a seedling that my friend and her partner gave out at their wedding ten years ago. It’s moved several times and was about to be cut down. The person who’d received it at the wedding has moved out of province and the new people don’t like trees. At my place I already have a Hackberry tree rescued from the same plight, also from the same wedding and it is beautiful. It’s been here for 6 years now and it’s tall and healthy and gives lots of shade. I hope the Kentucky Coffeetree will be as happy at Rob’s place as the Hackberry is here.

I live in Ontario. As much as I am able to choose, I drink Ontario wine, made from grapes grown in Ontario.

I live about an hour north of Pelee Island. I live about three hours south-west of the Niagara Escarpment. Between these two regions there are many wines to choose from. I’m lucky about this. If I lived somewhere else I might not have this many choices.

I make this choice because I don’t want to contribute to the consumption of fossil fuels by drinking wine that’s traveled great distances. I also don’t want to drink wine that contains grapes from far away places. Not only does this contribute to the environmental problem, but it also is a contributing factor in homogenizing the world’s wine. If Ontario wine contains grapes from Italy, then the difference between Ontario and Italian wine blurs. Vintners become transnational companies and diversity of flavours disappears. Grape growers in Ontario have established the VQA designation to make this easier for me: only Ontario

When I was in British Columbia for Northern Voice I had great BC wine, and when I travel other places someday I will try their regional wine.

Small choices do make a difference.

It’s all about perspective. My kids got a map in mail, a map of the area a bit north of here with points of interest marked to encourage daytripping over the summer. It’s a cool map with great photos of marinas, wetlands, artwork, theatres, kayaking, scuba diving, lighthouses — lots of different categories so that everyone is likely to find something that they’d want to do. It’s published by a new (to me anyway) organization called Waterfront Trail, a registered charity “committed to the completion, enhancement, and promotion of the [Lake Ontario] Waterfront Trail and Greenway.” I was browsing it while taking a water break from gardening.

I’ve always been a stickler for appropriate use of icons. They should be meaningful, clear, easy to interpret, simple, scalable, and non-discriminatory. Looking at this map I thought about “history” and how through my studies of social history, women’s history, history of technology, etc, I’ve really broadened my understanding of the field of history.

There are many records of our histories. Cookbooks, diaries, storybooks, medical charts, songs, clothing, artwork — these all tell stories of our past. History is more than just the records of battles, leaders, and number of wounded. In fact, this information doesn’t really give us information about how people lived. We should not neglect the histories of the many people who were not soldiers, and remember that these people also had full lives outside of who was killing who when. We can also study people who lived their lives in city or country or both (and why they moved), about how they fed themselves, how they grew up, how they grew old, how they celebrated, how they grieved — these pieces of history are rich.

This is how I think of history and how I will study it when I start the MA history program this fall. This is why I was surprised to see that historical places on the Waterfront map are represented by an icon with a cannon. I don’t think the acceptance of social histories in academia has made it that far into the general population just yet. It is just as relevant (and for most people probably much more engaging) when we consider the lived experiences of our histories. There are more and more historical fiction novels for kids (Dear Canada, and Royal Diaries come to mind. Maybe as these become more popular the next generation will grow up thinking history is more than war.

I got this today from the Women’s Studies department. Looks like an interesting summer position, but too far away for me. Could be a great opportunity for a geeky feminist if you live in Toronto and are still looking for a job.

Communications Assistant (Summer Student)

Employer: National Action Committee on the Status of Women (NAC)
Job term: Contract, Full-time
Location: Toronto, ON

The National Action Committee on the Status of Women (NAC) is a non-profit/non-governmental organization that has been working to ensure the full equality rights of women and girls in all their diversity for 35 years.

Job Summary

NAC is presently seeking a vibrant student to work as a Communications Assistant to work in our National Office. The student will provide support and assistance in research, project development, facilitation and coordination of NAC seasonal initiatives and activities.

Responsibilities:

Communications

• Assist in regular website maintenance. Compile and distribute electronic newsletters.
• Assist to design and implement new strategies.

Membership

• Assist in the processing of membership requests and to do specific follow-up with group and individual members on various issues.

Special Projects

• Could involve but is not limited to: detailed policy research, project management and development, grant writing assistance, design, selected writing, special event coordination and implementing new administrative procedures.

Office administration

• Administrative support to the Executive Coordinator: could include research, organizing meetings, helping to liaise with committees.

Qualifications

The qualified candidate for this position will be someone who has a strong research and analysis skills-set, advanced effective research and effective written and oral communication skills, strong inter-personal abilities and has a strong interest and/or academic background in women’s studies or any of the social sciences.

In particular, we are looking for someone who:

• Is a university or community college student; must have finished the school year and intend to return to school in September.
• Has advanced computer and Internet literacy, including online research experience.
• Has excellent written, verbal and telephone communication skills.
• Is well organized, able to work independently and collectively.
• Thrives in a small, open-concept office space.
• Demonstrates the capacity to respond quickly to emerging priorities.
• Demonstrates good trouble-shooting abilities, flexibility and creativity.
• Has experience in and enthusiasm for women’s issues, community development and/or community-based researchc
• Basic web site development skills are an asset.
• Knowledge of written and spoken French is a definite asset.

Contract Details: The contract is for full-time (30 hours/week) for a maximum of 12 weeks at $10 per hour.
Deadline for applications no later than NOON June 4, 2007.

Interested candidates are invited to submit a current CV and cover letter via email to:
Enisone Kadiri, Executive Coordinator, NAC-CCA
Email: enisone.kadiri@nac-cca.ca

No faxes or phone calls please. While we thank all candidates for their interest, only those short-listed will be contacted.

NAC works from an anti-oppression framework and maintains feminist principles. We are committed to diversity and equitable opportunity; as such, we encourage applications from traditionally marginalized communities. Our place of work is wheelchair accessible.

*Funding for this position is provided, in part, by the Summer Career Placements program of Human Resources and Social Development Canada (HRSDC).*

I got this in my email this morning from 43things and it gave me such a good feeling. One week ago today I handed in my last exam and met with my advisor to discuss my major paper. Here’s what the email said:

Dear future self,

I’m reminding you about your stated goal on 43 things, to
“finish school”.

How’s it going?

Sincerely,
Your past self

I’m done! And getting this email reminded me that I’ve accomplished a major goal. It hasn’t been easy juggling school, work, and parenting, but somehow I managed even if it is all a bit of a blur now. I’m soaking up time with Rob and my kids now and catching up on projects that have been sitting a bit too long. I’m spending a lot of time gardening and it feels so good to see the sunflowers, anemones, nasturtiums, and morning glories coming up. My eczema has all cleared up and I’m exercising again. It isn’t ballet four times a week like it was in first year, but it’s something. Life is good.

photo by RaeA

The semester’s over here. Know how I can tell? The eczema* on my right hand, specifically my thumb, index, and middle finger has cleared up. Completely. It’s wonderful to be able to touch things again, to work, to hold hands, to give a massage, to shake hands without pain and without wondering if anyone’s grossed out.

*from Wikipedia:

Eczema is a form of dermatitis, or inflammation of the upper layers of the skin. The term eczema is broadly applied to a range of persistent or recurring skin rashes characterized by redness, skin edema, itching and dryness, with possible crusting, flaking, blistering, cracking, oozing or bleeding. Areas of temporary skin discoloration sometimes characterize healed lesions, though scarring is rare.

It was bad this semester, the last four months of my undergrad. I didn’t feel more stressed than usual but maybe I was. Compounded by the furnace running all winter. And not consuming enough water. I tested negative for a bunch of allergies although I discovered that the dishwashing brush that I use was making it worse. I’ve used one for a few years, since my last run in with eczema because getting my hand wet to do dishes left me cracked and bleeding. Turns out the grippy rubbery handle on the brush triggered a reaction, same with gripper pens. Now I wrap it with a dishcloth and it helps a lot.

I wrote an exam with a Papermate “flex grip” pen, all soft and anti-slip and again: cracked and bleeding right hand by the end. For my final I actually considered asking Special Needs if this would be enough to get me a computer in the special needs office. I didn’t ask though. Instead I found an old fashioned hard plastic pen by the time I needed it. Who would have thought?

My usual remedy of calendula cream did nothing this time. I went in for the stronger stuff. My nurse practitioner gave me some cortisone cream which I used for 2 weeks, no improvement. Then I saw a dermatologist who prescribed a stronger steroid cream for morning and an ointment for night. The ointment was unavailable but I used the cream twice a day for 2 weeks: no improvement. I went back again and she prescribed protopic which I’d read about and caused me some apprehension. Each of these treatments has long-term side effects: adrenal system for the steroids, cancer for the protopic. (These studies are readily available so I’m not going to quote them here. Anyone who wants to read more can use their favourite search engine. And yes I know we’re talking reeeeally long term use and in high quantities, but too much risk for me right now.)

I took the prescription but never got it filled. I wrote my exams and got several extra bottles of Aveeno fragrance free skin relief moisturizing lotions. I started using only Aveeno skin relief body wash for handwashing, showering, and shaving. I put one bottle of lotion at the sink, one by the washing machine, one by my bed, and one at the computer. I put it on All The Time. I’ve used mild and envrio friendly washing products for years but I made an extreme effort to stick to Aveeno this time. And I found a pair of gardening gloves that are cotton on the inside. It may be that the same thing that’s on the pens and on my dishwashing brush is also inside rubber gloves because rubber gloves have always made my hands burn. I’d rather take the extreme cracking from working barehanded than the burning that comes from rubber gloves.

Then exams were over. By the day after my last one, no more eczema. And now my hands are very very soft. Someone told me so.

Last time I had eczema I had another similar cure: my ex moved out. Within a week of him leaving, the eczema I’d had for 2 years was gone. Coincidence?

I got a small patch again yesterday from a long day of many kids (PA day here), lots of gardening and lots of dishes without covering the handle of the brush. It’s mostly gone already. I’ll need to come up with a way to manage my stress better before life gets crazy again. For now I’m off to knit at The Coffee Exchange with a bunch of Actiongirls. We’re planning some more radical cheerleading!

What happened to the design?

Today is the 2nd Annual Naked Day, when people everywhere disable the styles on their websites.

The idea is promoting Web Standards. It’s a good time to see how your site loads (i.e. how far down the page is your real content?)

I tested to see how it would look first in Firefox with the web developer toolbar by simply disabling the CSS ( CSS > Disable Styles > All styles). I was mostly happy with what I saw so in header.php I commented out the call to the stylesheet. There are a few things I see that I need to tidy up but for now, here you have it: my naked blog.

Enjoy.

For more info and a list of sites that have gone naked for the day check out the Annual CSS Naked Day website for more information.

Wasn’t it just International Women’s Day? Couldn’t we celebrate instead of attacking women?

Update: Contact phone number for John Jay High School in NY: 914 763-7200 Leave a message with the principal in support of the Megan Reback, Elan Stahl and Hannah Levinson.

I got a link to the censorship taking place at John Jay High School in the mail today. Seems women’s bodies are still dirty and unsuitable for children (er well, it’s okay if we give birth to them — lots of them in fact). It doesn’t matter that these girls defied the order not to say the word “VAGINA” — that order was Wrong. There is nothing wrong with what these three girls did, nothing at all. I’m glad to see support from the community, and how it’s crossing borders into Canada and soon will go beyond. Hopefully it will come from far and wide and this school’s admins will realize that rules like this try to make women feel ashamed of their bodies. I’m especially glad to read this quote from Dana Stahl, Elan Stahl’s mother, “To me, they were reciting literature in an educational forum and they did it with grace and dignity.” Way to go Elan!

I wonder if there are other words associated with women’s sexuality that are not allowed at this school? Like rape? Could you imagine a school where girls are not allowed to talk about rape? Scary scary — what we do not hear does not exist, right?

I’d like to see the principal apologize to these girls and the community and tell us that he does not think women are shameful, sexless, dirty and offensive. I’d like these girls to organize some mandatory workshops for staff about the importance of a healthy attitude towards women’s bodies and how this is directly linked to women’s position in society (i.e. the end of misogyny). The staff could get a special certification at the end of the workshop (which includes writing an essay on the topic) — maybe “Gynophile”? or how about this classic: “Teacher”? These workshops would be adapted for the students at the school too because they’ve all been told now that “vaginas” are a problem. I’m not looking forward to seeing how that plays out in their futures. What do you think Megan, Elan, and Hannah? Actiongirls would be happy to help!

Here is the entirety of principal’s statement. He’s insisting that the girls are not suspended because they said vagina but because they said vagina when they were told not to say vagina. This is sooo not cool. Mr. Leprine, really, it gets easier the more you say it. And as for kids hearing it — it wasn’t that long ago that they were sliding through their mothers’. They’ll be okay. Maybe even better than okay.

March 6, 2007

Dear John Jay Community Members:

I appreciate the concerns expressed by students and parents over the monologue issue that occurred last Friday night at the “Open Mic Night.”

John Jay High School recognizes and respects student freedom of expression in the context of the school setting. That right, however, is not unfettered, particularly when an activity or event is open to the general school community where it is expected that young children may be in attendance. The challenge is to balance the rights of student speakers and the sensitivities of the community. The School’s response to that challenge was to pre-audition the students before several faculty members for the “Open Mic Night” and to determine the suitability of the intended presentations for the audience. In many cases, younger siblings, often elementary age, attend these types of events. This event was also being videotaped for the local cable television channel.

When a student is told by faculty members not to present specified material because of the composition of the audience and they agree to do so, it is expected that the commitment will be honored and the directive will be followed. When a student chooses not to follow the directive, consequences follow. The students did not receive consequences because of the content of the presentation.

There is a clear difference between putting on a production of a play such as “The Vagina Monologues” and an open performance at the microphone of an excerpt from the play before unsuspecting parents and their children. In the first case, the community would have been aware of the nature of the production and could have made an educated decision to attend or not to attend based upon that knowledge. In the case of the “Open Mic Night,” the community was invited with the expectation that the pieces presented would be appropriate for the general community, including younger children. Parents and community members did not have the ability to make an educated decision about the appropriateness of the content of the presentations for younger children.

There is also a clear difference between what is read and discussed in the classroom and what is presented in an activity open to the entire community. Our judgment was guided by the forum, the audience and the students’ commitment. Our decision was made in a considered, careful and thoughtful manner.

Sincerely,
Rich Leprine,
Principal JJHS

A few things I’ve noticed about grocery stores, groceries, and grocery shopping:

• During the day on a weekday, the grocery store is filled with women with babies and old people. Even in this factory town where a large number of people are shiftworkers there are few men, fewer men with children, and very very few families. Not the most statistical of surveys but it’s been my observation. This is partly why I like to do my errands during the day when possible — the lines are short, the store mostly empty (compared to evenings and weekends), and people are mostly in a casual mood. Yes I’m lucky I can still negotiate my schedule this way.
• The plastic shopping bags they’re giving out at Zehrs these days have (what I’m certain is) a strategic hole in the bottom. It’s in the same place in every bag and (conspiracy theory) they’re intentionally making these bags defective so that people have to purchase bags for their garbage cans and cat litter. Mostly I use reusable bags and bins but I do need a handful of disposables each week for my son who cleans the cat litter. It’s taking twice as many bags now to do the work of one, just so we don’t stream litter across the house.
• The stores cannot decide where to stock the organic produce and other products. Some stores have a separate section so you can skip the huge store and just go for the gold. Other stores have the organics spread throughout so that you have to hunt each shelf — and so you can’t skip anything. I prefer keeping it all central because it speeds things up for me.
• Vegetable does not necessarily mean vegetarian. I’m always surprised at the fish sauce, anchovy extract, etc in vegetable meals. sigh I’m so tired of reading labels.
• It was only last year that the local Zehrs got self-serve checkouts. I first used these in 1993 in Nova Scotia in a grocery store. Go figure it took until 2006 to get them to Ontario.
• The grocery bins that the store sells as an alternative to bagging your groceries do not fit on the self serve checkout stands.
• The Zehrs in South Windsor does not offer paper bags, claiming that Zehrs did a study and found that the paper bags break down at the same rate as plastic. Seems awfully strange then that the stores on Dougall, in Lasalle and in St. Clair Beach all still offer paper bags.

Got any more observations?