Lessons Learned from a Screaming 12-Year-old
I know a little girl who yells a lot.
She fights with passion (and volume). The last really big one I overheard got me to feeling jealous. I was startled by my reaction — usually I just try and block out the noise and hold tight until it’s over (and then take something for the headache). But the last time, there was no where else to go. The sound followed me to basement and garage and since I couldn’t get away I figured at least I may as well be in my office where I could try and do some work.
I have no idea what the fight was about. It’s not important. What was significant was that this young person felt she’d been dealt an injustice and she wasn’t going to accept it. Listening to her go back and forth it was obvious that she held a different position, believed in her position, believed the other person would listen to her and consider her position, and believed that she could make a difference and thereby change her future.
There is an incredible amount of hope in her position. Maybe because she is young, maybe because of who she is, maybe because she hasn’t yet had that hope taken away. Maybe something else. I think a lot of women gave up that hope a long time ago. Too many years of being disrespected, being told we were not entitled to a voice, position, power. Compounded by messages of being a ‘proper lady’ and which of us has a chance?
The tag line to the Women’s Studies undergrad program I finished last year is “find your voice”. I don’t think I really found my voice — or if I did I’ve lost it already. Being assertive requires confidence that your position is valid and believing that you will be heard. Constructing a strong argument can be learned in school, but trust? Not likely.