femilicious.com

I went to a grad school workshop today (not inspiring). And then I read this from Joel Spolsky, posted a week and a half ago on Joel on Software. The combination of the two is pretty bad.

You see, if you can’t whiz through the easy stuff at 100 m.p.h., you’re never gonna get the advanced stuff.

I think what JS is saying applies to a lot more than writing code, getting an A in Calculus, trading bonds, or getting hired. I read this as JS believes that people who work too hard at the basics are in the wrong field. I’m not sure where exactly the basics end and the advanced work begins in the Humanities and Social Sciences, but I know I’m working way too hard. JS’s words are plenty helpful for the person hiring, or the person who is an ace applicant, but for the rest of us? For those of us who didn’t get A+ in our last 20 undergrad courses?

The speaker at the workshop kept going over how important it is to reapply if at first rejected: from funding, from schools, etc. That if it’s where you really want to be you’ll get it eventually, through tweaking your materials, focusing or shifting a research interest, by finding a more appropriate advisor. But I wonder, how many years can a person can keep going through it? I mean, don’t we all have student loans that have to be paid back? We can’t just keep reapplying to grad school, hoping we’ll get in sooner or later…

Things are looking pale for women in Canada. See this excerpt from http://www.statusreport.ca/, the site dedicated to reporting the latest news about funding cuts to Status of Women Canada.

Beverley Oda, Minister of Heritage and Status of Women, and Prime Minister Stephen Harper, have taken drastic steps away from women’s equality.

On September 25, 2006, the federal government announced a 5 million dollar (40%) cut to SWC’s administrative budget.

On October 3rd, they removed the very word “equality” from SWC’s mandate and changed the rules so that women’s groups cannot use federal funding to do advocacy or lobbying.

To draw awareness to the funding cuts from the Status of Women Canada, Progressive Bloggers are running a campaign, asking bloggers to post 5 things feminism has done for them. Here are mine:

1- I did not have to stay in an abusive marriage. I exist in Canada as an individual, not my husband’s (or father’s) chattel.

2 – I was able to return to school while raising my kids – as a child I was taught to read. Not all girls have this opportunity. Because there are feminists I got to go to school.

3 – I am able to learn and work in the male-dominated field of technology. Nobody tells me I can’t like computers because I’m a girl. And if they did I wouldn’t listen anyway.

4- I do not have to fear an unwanted pregnancy. I have access to safe birth control. No one can force me to have sex and get away with it.

5 – My children know women who are capable, strong, intelligent, creative, and not afraid to stand up for what is right. Feminists are powerful role models. For all of us.

Now I tag:

Alexandra A
Sue Richards
Alexandra Samuels
Windchine Walker
Mir

Between meeting his schoolbus, eating dinner and taking my daughter to aikido, my youngest son (5 years old) came up to me for a hug and noticed I was wearing the bead necklace/hairband he’d made me last week. He was so happy to see it on me – to know that I really and truly liked it enough to wear it. He said, “I love you so much mama and all the things you do for me.” I was thrilled – I don’t think I’ve made the request for help and cooperation for at least a few weeks so this was really coming from the heart.

Later when he emptied his lunch bag he showed me that he’d saved me the chocolate chips from his cookie. He likes the dough but not the chocolate so – I win! Love and chocolate, who could ask for more?

Background: Canada funds two school systems: the public and the separate (Catholic) in both official languages, French and English. Incidentally, there are private Fundamentalist Christian schools, a Mennonite school, and an Islamic school in the local community that receive no government support. Parents whose children attend these schools are still required to pay taxes to support either the public or the separate school system.

A friend’s (former) employer revealed to her that he sends his kids to separate school (Catholic) because the students there are all white children. He doesn’t want his kids around people of colour and so even though they are not Catholic they’ll go to Catholic school to get away from “those people”.

This should be reason enough to cease funding to separate schools – something I’ve never supported. The last thing the school systems should be doing is facilitating racism! Because there are multiple choices, parents can choose to segregate their kids. On the surface we can say that Canada is diverse and multi-cultural but the reality is that we are pockets of isolated communities. Individuals do not have to encounter, accept, understand or empathize with anyone who is not the same as them.

I have heard all kinds of reasons for why people send their kids to Catholic school: to be taught immersed in their religion (if they are Catholic), to learn morals and values (if the family is not Catholic), because the special needs programs are superior, because the school is closer than the public, because we want to access insert special program offered at the separate school nearby – French immersion for example. I’d argue that none of these are enough to warrant public spending either but I digress.

I hate that this man is filling his children with these ideas of hate. No matter what teaching happens in the classroom, these kids are growing up with a racist father. I would hope that nothing in the school or the teaching would further the seeds that the father is planting, but I know back when I was a kid in small town Ontario, the only people of colour I ever saw were on the collection boxes for Unicef. I certainly needed my brain stretched to realize the racism surrounding me and that I was complicit in as I grew up. This happened when I left small town Ontario and entered the larger world and even more so when I entered the Women’s Studies program. I hope the teaching in elementary school is better these days. Given my kids’ experiences so far I really really doubt it.

In speaking about the new HPV vaccine:

“The Lancet editorial says that ideally boys should also be immunised against the virus. But it says that, until more data on use of the vaccine in boys is available, EU states “should lead by making the vaccinations mandatory for all girls aged 11 to 12 years”.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/5411038.stm

So the boys can wait. Boys carry the disease and spread it to girls via heterosexual sex but it’s too risky to give to boys at this time? Thanks. Not sure how common it is for girls to pass HPV to girls but best immunize them all. Unless – – wait – – do they suppose unimmunized girls might pass it to boys? Hmmmmmm.

Also left out of the article is the fact that infected boys can pass HPV to other boys via gay sex — but I guess no one cares if gay men get HPV. Maybe they won’t die of cervical cancer, but if it’s that great a vaccine shouldn’t it be offered to everyone? Hmmmmm.

Sue Richards of The Calendar Girl Blog, My Menopause Blog, and The Breast of Canada Calendar is an amazing woman. I met her at BlogHer 2006 in San Jose but I’ve known of her for years. I have (somewhere in my house) the very first Breast of Canada calendar and framed on my bedroom wall, is the photo for November 2002 of a woman with a baby on her shoulders. I love her asymmetrical breasts, as though one is full of milk and the other just emptied.

What I love about the calendars is that at last women’s breasts are positioned in a way that is realistic, non-sexualized, and beautiful. I love the diversity: skin tones, sizes, colours, ages, shapes, settings. This is how women’s bodies look and they are beautiful.

Here are three great reasons to own a calendar, from www.breastofcanada.com:

One. The Breast of Canada calendar is educational. Being proactive and self educated about your health is an important step to take. The 2007 calendar helps you take that step.

Two. The Breast of Canada calendar is about health. Maintaining and improving your health and cultivating a positive body image stimulates a higher quality of life.

Three. The Breast of Canada calendar raises profile and funds. Net proceeds for the 2007 edition will be directed to the Canadian Breast Cancer Network.

Since when is there gelatin in becel margarine? The kids like margarine on a bagel now and then – or on corn on the cob. A container lasts us a really long time so I don’t mind spending a bit more to get something with ingredients I can pronounce. I read labels today at the grocery store to try and remember why I got Becel last time and was blown away to see the ingredients have changed to now include gelatin. Gross. Horns and hooves is what that means…absolutely gross. I don’t think it should be that hard to find an all vegetable based spread but I read labels for several minutes before I found one that had no animal products in it. Even Canola Harvest which I’m sure used to be vegan now contains whey. I found some brand I’d never heard of with all veg ingredients and it claims to be dairy free. It’s also calorie-reduced which my kids don’t really need but maybe I’ll be tempted to put some on some popcorn and share with them.

There may be too much information here but just know that you’ve been warned…

I’ve been having irregular, unexplained pain in and around the area of my ovaries and uterus – completely incapacitating pain to the point of tears – for the past ten months or so. It used to only last a few hours so I’ve managed it with ibuprofen and ice and sleep. I talked to my nurse practitioner (NP) and we were both willing to call it dysmenorrhea – painful periods – and I was just going to eat better, sleep better, and get more exercise and it would go away. This month it came two days after my period ended so I can’t call it dysmenorrhea anymore.

I went for a pelvic exam last week and the nurse practitioner really blew it. It didn’t start well from the time I got to the clinic, where I’ve been going for six or seven years; I wasn’t on the day’s schedule. Then they couldn’t find my chart. Then they couldn’t find the NP. Finally I was called and while the registered nurse was bringing me back to the exam rooms and starting to steer me into the first empty one the NP says, “No – we need #4 [room] – we need to do a [in a Very LouD WhisPER] PAP SMEAR And EverYThING.” Good grief. Why announce this in this way? Surely the NP does them all the time, the reg. nurse has certainly seen them, I’ve had babies, the staff in the office all know they happen there regularly – what’s the big deal? It’s not like the NP was keeping it confidential to protect my privacy – a loud whisper attracts a lot of looks – everyone in the office this time as a matter of fact. I just thought, ‘whatever’ and proceeded to say no thank you to a weigh-in and also declined the yucky gown since I’d worn a skirt just for the occasion. I remember reading this waaaay long ago, probably in Our Bodies, Our Selves and think keeping on her own clothes is the least a woman needs when she’s going to be in such a powerless situation.

So it wasn’t long before I was opening wide for the exam (no stirrups at least) and the NP is getting ready for the pap. I am covered from waist to thighs with a white sheet and have a pretty good view of what’s going on – including the look of disgust on the NP’s face. If ever a woman has been sensitive or insecure of her sexuality, or the ‘normalcy’ of her genitals, or the skid marks from childbirth three times over, a look of disgust on the face of the NP is not what she needs. I asked what the face was for and the response was “Some women have more mucous than others.” Then I see the swab come out of me (indeed covered with what I recognize as egg whitey highly fertile mucous – not yeasty or anything) and the NP drops it in the waste basket with a shudder.

Honestly, a NP shouldn’t be doing pelvic exams if they can’t do it neutrally. Wanna know how sexual/desirable I feel these days? Besides the worry of what’s wrong with me, which is tied to the whole aging fear, which is tied to the ‘what do I want to do when I grow up’ anxiety now I’m having flashbacks to how ‘gross’ I am.

The rest of the exam was uneventful except that there were some areas of concern from the visible exam. The NP told me this after I sat waiting for 30 minutes in the exam room – I’d been forgotten. Luckily I had Feminism in Twentieth-Century Science, Technology, and Medicine to study for school while I was waiting. How completely ironic. Another nurse found me and asked why I was there, then went to find the NP again. It’s a busy place and I don’t begrudge anyone this but the combination of circumstances of the afternoon left me feeling kind of worthless.

I’ll definitely be talking to the NP for the sake of the women who might follow me, and I’ll request a different NP for next time. And maybe I’ve happened upon a project for my research class – improving conditions for pelvic exams.

Their father picked them up this morning for his every-other-weekend and started to pull away from the curb. He paused a few feet up the street and my daughter (12) opened her window and said the youngest (5) forgot to hug me. I could hear him in the back seat saying “Mama – I didn’t get to hug you – – ” And then his dad drove away.

Totally, totally fucked up way to live. I feel it in my stomach, my arms, my eyes, my throat.

An egalitarian believes in equality for all people: equal opportunity, equal access to resources, regardless of their gender, age, skin colour, language, culture, sexual orientation, religion, ability, etc.

A feminist shares this belief but takes it further and says that women’s oppression must be acknowledged and eliminated before an egalitarian society can exist. We cannot discuss ‘equality’ without discussing women’s lack of equality. Thus, a feminist is a specific type of egalitarian (thought ‘feminist’ can be broken down further, into different ‘types’ of feminists), and feminism is a branch of egalitarianism. Of course there will be overlap: many feminists will also be LGBTQ activists, many LGBTQ activists will also be animal rights activists, many animal rights activists will also be feminists and so on go the circles.